I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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