I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
