Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
