So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
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