I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
