i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
