She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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