Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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