Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
