it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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