I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
