Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
