When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
