Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
