I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
