I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
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