Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
