a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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