I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
