Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
there was a trapeze. enough said
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
