Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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