OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
