I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
