I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
