You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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