So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
