Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
As shirtless as possible
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize