He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
