We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
