If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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