I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
