I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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