hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
