Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
worst night to have a conscience
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
