you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Less talking, more tequila
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
