She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
