We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
