i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
