hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
