man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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