I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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