This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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