My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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