Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
