your room smells of hookers.
And success
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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