there's paper in my vomit.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
