I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
