Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
