everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize