I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Shame - the story of my life.
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