So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
sex in a hospital.. check
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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