Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
