So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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