Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
