Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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