why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
