I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
either way he was missing a nipple.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
