That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize