Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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