I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
