IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
