I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
