His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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