he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We are two peas in an std pod
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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