I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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