I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize