She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Bring me that man meat
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize