yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
