And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
