who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
