I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize