I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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