I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I want to have your abortion
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
