Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
