fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
try to milk me bitch
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