I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize