So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
