I got chris browned last night
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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