Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
