You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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