It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
