Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What a dumb baby whore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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