NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Randomize
