i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
