Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
