She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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