that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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