Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
