A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
ttyl tear gas
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
