i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize