we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
