I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
A+ Viking dick
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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