If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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