when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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