I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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