You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
