they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Please don't give away my fajitas
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
