I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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